Jeff likes to smoke marijuana. In fact, he told me that over the last 40 years, the only times he has gone without smoking weed were once during a “four month stretch” while he was in the military (though he reported smoking “at times even then”), and once during an 8-day stretch when he was in the hospital for a heart attack.
Jeff reported running the gamut of ineffective habits throughout his life – from drinking heavily at different points to smoking cigarettes in between joints – both of which he chose to quit (alcohol and cigarettes) after his heart attack. When I saw him for his first appointment, he told me he was still smoking marijuana regularly, as he had for the past 40+ years of his life. He also told me about the anxiety he experiences, and he let me know how the anxiety has gotten significantly worse. He talked about how horrible he feels about himself, the shape he is in, the habits he has, and the unbearable anxiety that feels crippling to him.
Like a lot of people, Jeff never learned that chronic use of marijuana can actually produce the opposite effects for which it is intended. In other words, he was unaware that regular, long term use of marijuana (a drug that produces a calming, relaxed feeling), can actually produce and exacerbate feelings of anxiety.
Jeff reached a point where he was ready to try anything to ease the intense feelings of anxiety he experienced – so he took it upon himself to act on the information that the marijuana might actually be producing his anxiety. When he returned for a second session, he reported that the last three days he voluntarily abstained from smoking a joint for the first time since he entered the military all those many years ago. He was surprised to find that he was beginning to feel better.
Now forty years is a long time to form a habit, and as the saying goes, “If you walk twenty miles into the woods, it’s going to be twenty miles back out;” but Jeff may become inspired to create the habits that help him feel the way he wants to feel (which at this point, is anxiety-free). Regardless of what he chooses to do, however, he now has information he didn’t previously have that can help him more consciously choose whatever path he wants to take. He certainly feels like he has a difficult challenge in front of him: at 62 years old and in fairly poor physical condition, choosing to change his life habits is not likely going to be easy.
Jeff asked me if I thought it was too late for him to try to change his long-standing habits. He wanted to know if I thought he was too old to try to change. I told Jeff the following story:
My wife and I used to have a beautiful, vibrant houseplant that eventually withered down to its last leaf. About four years ago, we thought that we would likely have to throw out what was left of the plant, because it really looked like it was all but dead. The day we were going to throw it out, however, we instead chose to make a conscious effort to save it. Today, if you come through our front door, the first thing you will see is this plant – a plant that once looked emaciated and all but dead – but is now more vibrant and beautiful than ever.
Jeff sounds like he’s down to his last metaphorical leaf. Many times, life can bring us all down to our very last leaf… but if we want to turn our lives around, and if we can make a conscious choice to change – then one leaf is all we need….
